Lesson #8: Zombies come in two speeds: slow and fast.

I never feared an imminent zombie attack until I moved to New Orleans.  With an above ground cemetary only blocks away, the zombies can simply walk out of their graves rather than making the effort to dig out of many feet of dirt.  However, I’m in luck, because the zombies that come out of graves only come in “slow.”  It would be far worse if there were a viral outbreak, which tends to produce the “fast” zombies.

A slow zombie from Night of the Living Dead

A slow zombie from Night of the Living Dead

Slow zombies don’t seem too scary.  They are unending in their persistence and desire for human brains, but nonetheless, they’re slow.  Avoid wearing anything that could make you trip, and you should be okay.  Of course, the streets and sidewalks in New Orleans are so messed up that I might not be able to make it very far.  The only frightening part of slow zombies is their numbers and relentless pursuit.  Even a lone hand, cut off from its owner, could pose a threat.  If slow zombies come at you from all angles and there are enough of them, you had better be armed with a shotgun.  Fire and explosives are also an option.  If you fear zombies entering your house, you may want to keep these items under your bed.

Fast zombies have a less refined palate and will eat any part of the human, not just the brains.  Perhaps their enhanced speed comes from their more varied diet.  Fast zombies often are a horror made by humans and thus punishing us for our scientific arrogance.  They generally come from some sort of scientific advancement gone wrong, like a vaccine in I Am Legend or the T-virus i Resident Evil.

Of course, the two speeds of zombies are not this simple.  There are fast zombies with a particular taste for brains. There are slow zombies formed by viruses.  But there is one constant in dealing with zombies: Aim for the head.

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5 responses to “Lesson #8: Zombies come in two speeds: slow and fast.

  1. shanaheinricy

    I loved it! Kids in the Hall is my favorite sketch comedy show of all time.

  2. Not sure why, but I’ve always thought slow zombies were the scariest. Something about the methodical, intentional manner in which they devour human flesh creeps me out. With fast zombies, it’s more of a quick kill — whereas slow zombies savor the moment. That’s more menacing to me.

  3. Pingback: DS9 Stories/News: Sci-Fi Lessons – Crazy things I’ve learned from years of Sci-Fi | My Daily Deep Space Nine Notes

  4. Pingback: DS9 Stories/News: Sci-Fi Lessons – Crazy things I’ve learned from years of Sci-Fi | My Daily Deep Space Nine Notes

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