Tag Archives: Futurama

Lesson #15: People with facial hair are probably evil.

This lesson is long overdue. I must credit this one to the original Star Trek series and to Spock specifically, unless any of you have a precursor to the “Mirror, Mirror “ episode from 1967.  In general, facial hair denotes evil.  Just look at the devil, or Hitler. Moreover, well-groomed facial hair is somehow more sinister and calculating than its bushy counterpart.

Of course, there  have been many takes on this theme since the Star Trek crew was accidentally transported to an evil mirror universe during an ion storm.  In Fringe, Fauxlivia (the seemingly evil, but then maybe just misunderstood version of Olivia from an alternate universe) has red hair, compared to Olivia’s blonde hair. In South Park, the bearded Cartman from an alternate universe turns out to be the good Cartman, while the character we know is non-bearded and evil (’Spookyfish,”  1998).  In Futurama, Flexo is a questionably evil version of Bender, who looks and sounds just like Bender except for the addition of a goatee. It’s unclear which one is truly more evil. I’m sure that there are dozens of evil facial-haired villains out there I’m not remembering right now. Can you help?

Lesson #7: The cuter something is, the more dangerous it may be.

It seems that characters in sci-fi programs have not caught on to this one yet, as they keep being drawn in by the lure of cuddly creatures.  Tribbles in Star Trek (and again in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine), Gremlins, Ewoks in Star Wars, Nibbler in Futurama, and the newest adorable killer critter: Nubbins in Sci Fi Channel’s Sanctuary all have wrought havoc on those investigating new phenomena.  Galaxy Quest even paradied this lesson for those who still hadn’t learned it. Nubbins and Gremlins have overdone neotony, with their huge eyes and infant-like features and proportions lulling us into parental roles.  We almost have no choice.  It’s instinctual to love them, so we understand the failings of the characters to recognize the potential danger of our most huggable friends.

Of course, no fuzzy, cute animal is evil in it’s own right.  Instead, it is either incorrectly cared for or just trying to survive.  The rules of caring for these creatures are so vague it’s easy to mess them up.  When exactly can you feed a Gremlin?  Isn’t it always after midnight?  Between midnight and what can’t you feed them?  Can you feed them at 6 a.m.?  No one wanted Gizmo to spawn or potentially turn mean, the rules are just really vague, with no consequences given. Other cuddlies, like Nubbins and Tribbles, are just trying to survive. They don’t want to harm people or equipment, they just do.

The message of sci-fi is clear: Nothing that adorable can really be “evil” in any universe.  However, this level of cuteness is dangerous, working on the human and bipedal alien psyches to calm and comfort us, causing us to ignore potential dangers.  Be alert when surrounded by adorables.  Behold that golden retriever puppy with suspicion. Question its motives.  And never, ever feed it after midnight.

The sweetest creature of them all, Gizmo from Gremlins.

The sweetest creature of them all, Gizmo from Gremlins.